My Fascinating Flight In Turkmenistan Airlines’ Mysterious 777 Business Class

Hello from Turkmenistan! Well, okay, hello from India… you thought you were going to get Wi-Fi at Ashgabat Airport? Lol. I am downright giddy, as I just fulfilled an avgeek dream I’ve had for years, which is to fly with Turkmenistan Airlines! Specifically, I flew the carrier’s ex-Cathay Pacific Boeing 777-300ER on the 4hr35min flight from Frankfurt (FRA) to Ashgabat (ASB).

My conclusion? I demand my money back (even though I paid “just” $1,000 for my full fare one-way business class ticket from Frankfurt to Delhi)! The flight was way too normal for my liking. I was expecting to be reporting back from a prison in Turkmenistan, awaiting deportation to North Korea, ideally on an Air Koryo codeshare flight (okay, I’m kidding, before anyone yells at me).

Instead, I had a rather pleasant, drama-free flight, and it was only mildly strange… I even got tucked in when it was time to sleep, due to my own awkwardness. Heck, I took dozens and dozens of pictures, and no one yelled at me. This isn’t what I signed up for!!!

Why I’ve been obsessed with flying Turkmenistan Airlines

Most people (at least those who aren’t regular OMAAT readers) are probably thinking “WTF, you flew what airline to where?” Everyone needs hobbies in life, and one of my hobbies is flying very strange airlines, at least from a US or Western-centric perspective. Tajikitan’s Somon Air, or Uzbekistan Airways? Yes please, I’ll take seconds!

However, arguably Turkmenistan Airlines is one of the most mysterious airlines in the world, and for years I’ve been talking about how I want to fly the airline. That largely comes down to the country, Turkmenistan. Side note — it’s a very rich country, with the world’s fourth largest natural gas reserves (even if you wouldn’t know about the wealth based on how individuals live).

More interestingly, though, it’s also one of the world’s most secretive countries. I’ve heard it described as the North Korea of the “stans,” in terms of travel restrictions, censorship, etc. For example, you can only visit the country as a tourist if you have a guide with you at all times.

So I’ve been curious to fly with the airline. The carrier operates a limited network to Europe, Southeast Asia, the Middle East, and within Central Asia. I’ve largely heard that the carrier’s flights are mostly empty, and the primary motivation for the network is to move cargo. I’ve also heard that the onboard experience is just bizarre, that no pictures are allowed, and that Ashgabat Airport is a ghost town, with essentially a 1:1 ratio between passengers and guards.

So, how was my Turkmenistan Airlines business class flight?

I’m going to keep this section brief, so that there’s still a little “meat” to the full flight review, which I’ll publish soon.

To say that I was excited when I saw the Turkmenistan Airlines Boeing 777-300ER at the gate in Frankfurt would be an understatement.

This was actually an ex-Cathay Pacific plane, with interiors almost entirely unchanged. There were 40 business class seats… and two other passengers.

Well, and then there was the dude with the big hat who stood in front of the plane while it was on the ground in Frankfurt, who also flew in business class (but then put on a baseball cap onboard).

The inflight entertainment was riveting… if you want to read the inflight magazine, where just about every page is about the country’s president.

When it comes to the seat back entertainment, there were a very limited number of TV shows, yet somehow an interview with Dr. Fauci on “the politicization of public health, the threats he faced during Covid, and his concerns over a divided America” made it into the selection. Yeah, you know, your typical entertainment option alongside “The Big Bang Theory.”

Turkmenistan Airlines gets A+ for its drink presentation!

The airline also gets an A+ for its schedule padding. I was amazed looking at the flight history for the Frankfurt to Ashgabat route, and seeing how it consistently arrives on-time or ahead of schedule. That’s when I realized that it’s because they pad their schedules to the point of oblivion, with a 4hr35min flight being blocked at 6hr. Watch out, Delta, Turkmenistan Airlines is the real “on-time machine!”

The meal service was surprisingly extensive. There was a dinner after takeoff, and I opted for the short rib with potatoes, which came with a side of cold cuts, a salad, and some cheese. The flight attendant generously let me peer at the menu for 30 seconds before making a selection.

There was then a dessert, consisting of a cheesecake tart, and a mini Mars bar, and I ordered a cup of tea to go along with it.

I managed to get in a little snooze. I almost got caught taking pictures, as I stood over my seat with my phone, trying to take a picture of the bed. As the flight attendant walked up to me, I tried to come up with the best excuse I could — “I can’t figure out how to use the blanket” — what the hell was I thinking? Well, it worked out, because the flight attendant then said “I will show you,” and then… tucked me in. Talk about a Singapore Airlines first class level of service!

About 90 minutes after the first meal service, I was offered a pre-landing snack, with a sandwich and yogurt. By the way, I’m really confused by what the meat is here, and in the above picture, given that Turkmenistan is an overwhelmingly Muslim country? Is this… not pork? I tried to ask, but that got lost in translation.

Also, the forward lavatory sure was a lovely throwback to Cathay Pacific first class! Ah… good times! Remember when you could consistently book it for 67,500 AAdvantage miles, and there were often multiple award seats?

Also, is that… just a tin of NIVEA? Is everyone just supposed to stick their finger in there and moisturize… or?

Anything going on in this region I should know about?

Anyway, that’s all for now. While the flight was calmer than expected, fortunately the airport lived up to everything I hoped for!

Bottom line

Sometimes dreams really do come true… and for me that was flying Turkmenistan Airlines business class! I’ve been fascinated by the airline for years, given… well, everything.

Honestly, the entire experience was better and more anticlimactic than I was expecting, and that’s probably a good thing. I had an oddly pleasant flight, and being one of three people in a 40-seat business class cabin in the peak of summer is something you won’t find on many airlines. It was also sort of a fun trip down memory lane to fly on a former Cathay Pacific jet.

I wish I could come up with a Josh Cahill style narrative here about how I was scammed, or about how it was the worst flight ever… but well, I’ll leave that to him.